This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
