I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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