His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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