thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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