The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
