Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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