The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
