No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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