GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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