hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
