Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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