last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
