i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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