So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
