I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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