Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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