I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
a search helicopter?!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
