Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
