He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
