Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
