Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
