dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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