Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
