I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
