i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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