she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
