it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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