i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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