im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
