The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
