did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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