There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize