I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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