she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
