My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
