I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
