Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
