just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I party with great urgency now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
