Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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