I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
