i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
