sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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