have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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