She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
