mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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