i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
