so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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