Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
