my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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