yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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