Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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