You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
