I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
