she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
