why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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