I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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