I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he puts the penis in happiness.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
