just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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