there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
