So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize