she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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