Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
