Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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