I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize