People with herpes should wear stickers.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
