Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
