Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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