I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
