There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
