FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
