I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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