I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
