Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
