just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
