I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
