Ambien. No doubt about it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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