i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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