it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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