They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
