Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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