people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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